Our Sanctioned Time To Flirt With Death
Halloween offers us a great gift. Unfortunately, it’s a gift we tend to ignore during the rest of the year. We owe Halloween to the Celtic tribes who lived in Ireland, Scotland, Wales and Brittany,when October 31 was both the last day of summer and the last day of the year. In those days, it was believed that the bridge separating the worlds of the living and the dead became stronger at this time, allowing spirits, ghosts, and ghouls to cross over. These spirits or departed souls were honored and asked to grant luck and prosperity. Before Christianity came to Ireland, this time was known as Samhain (pronounced “ sow-win”). The belief was that, just as the souls of the dead walked the land, so do evil spirits. To scare them away, people wore masks and lit bonfires. In Ireland, people went door-to-door, some carrying lanterns made of turnips, collecting food and sticks or turf for such a bonfire and for a feast. Those who gave were to receive good luck, with bad luck going to those who did not.
When the Catholic Church converted Ireland to its belief, Samhain also underwent a conversion and became three Christian holy days. In 835, Pope Gregory IV moved the old Christian feast of All Saints Day from May 13 to November 1, with October 31 to be known as All Hallow’s Even ( hallow is an old english word for “holy person”) or All Saints Eve. November 1 then became All Hallow’s Day, and November 2 became All Souls Day. The three days were called Hallowmass, and were “days of obligation”, when ordinary work was abandoned and worship was required. During the three nights of Hallowmass, mummers would travel the countryside, begging for “soul cakes,” fruity buns. For each cake given, the mummers would offer a prayer for the household’s departed loved ones. In some places, certain penalties were inflicted on the stingy, to represent the displeasure of the snubbed departed.
In the 1840’s ,Halloween was brought to the United States by the Irish, Scotch and the other immigrants from the British Isle. By the beginning of the century, Halloween post cards were being sold, and the Denison Company published the first Halloween catalog. By the 1950’s, Halloween costumes were being mass- produced. Halloween was here to stay, but stripped of much of its original meaning.
Today celebrate Halloween with decorations, jack-o-lanterns that often depict frightful expressions or death images,black widow spiders, skeletons, ghost, mummies, grim reapers and other monsters. We cringe at the infamous Halloween sounds: the squeaking of the door, the bubbling of laboratory test tubes and the lyrics of the “Monster Mash”.Our Tvs, and movie theaters show horror classics featuring death and mutilation. We may be offered spider cider, deadly donuts or pastries decorated with RIP tombstones, ghost and skeletal images as we enjoy haunted hayrides and run screaming through haunted houses. We join our children in wearing costumes and masks as we go trick or treating or partying..
We do these things because Halloween is a sanctioned time for us to flirt with death. However, during the rest of the year our culture, though inundated with violence, does all it can to distance itself from the topics of death and dying. As our childhood Halloweens recede into our memories, so does our willingness to be with thoughts about death. We replace our masks and costumes with blinders. We pretend death is not going to happen to us or those we love- not, at least, for a long time. Or we use a great deal of our energy being hypervigilant, trying to protect ourselves or those we love from it.We leave the decisions about how we will die to doctors. When death occurs, the professionals handle it. People who are grieving are given messages in our culture to “get over it – you have had long enough,” or “I’m sorry to hear about your loss, now please don’t talk about it.” We behave in these ways because we are fearful.
We are fearful because there are so many things we do not know about death, and we do not educate ourselves because we deny, avoid, or resist this subject. To end this vicious circle, I invite you to regain some of that flirtatious attitude with death you once felt during the Halloween season, rekindling the curiosity of your inner child as you perhaps find yourself able to begin to identify some of your fears about death and dying.Choose one little aspect of this huge subject and learn about it from books, teachers, and your own meditations.Paradoxically, the more we become comfortable with death and the dying process, the more alive and intentional we become about the moments of living!
I invite you to imagine a culture where death is truly perceived as a part of the natural life cycle and the birthing in of a soul and the departing of a soul, are both considered equally sacred. Envision a culture where people are as comfortable and peaceful as possible during the dying process, surrounded by soothing, peaceful environments utilizing special lights, sounds, aromas, loving touch, and medicines if needed. Consider a society where authentic conversations can be experienced by the dying and significant others.Let’s aim for a culture where people know about the grieving process and are compassionate with themselves and others whom are in the midst of this unique process, a culture that makes bereavement groups readily available and affordable.
So let us be playful and flirtatious with death, as we celebrate Halloween. For those of you who want to begin to explore some of your feelings, thoughts and questions about death and dying, let me suggest a few books. Final Gifts, by Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelly, Straight Talk about Death For Teenagers byEarl A. Grollman , Talking About Death, by Virginia Morris, Sad Isn’t Bad A Good-Grief Guidebook for Kids Dealing With Loss by Michaelene Mundy and How We Die: A Reflection on Life’s Final Chapter by Sherwin B. Nuland.
